..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
