I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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