I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
