Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
