But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
