my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
