I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
