THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
