Don't you send me to vm
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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