She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
