38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
