my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
