Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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