i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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