then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
