just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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