I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
