I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
