11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Randomize