apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
