She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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