OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
there is puke in my bra ... again
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