The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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