I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
