I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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