I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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