don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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