Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
