Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
