he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
