i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
