Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We left the knife in your bed.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
