Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You may now shotgun with the bride
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
