I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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