she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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