Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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