They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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