____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Come on in and take your pants off
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