He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
