And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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