yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
