Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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