Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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