The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
