if only i could text you this smell
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
a search helicopter?!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
