Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
