she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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