Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
