your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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