I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
