are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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