Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
