I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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