The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We were destined to go to rehab together
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
