Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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