I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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