Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
