i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think I won the penis lottery.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
