i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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