your thong is hanging out like whoa
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Randomize
