I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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