so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize