Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
