her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
