I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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