Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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