she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
