i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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