Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
