And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
