Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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