The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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