u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the day after is always just damage control
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
